


Life is better with you

by charlyflowers



Category: SKAM (TV)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Childhood Friends, Boys Kissing, Christmas Fluff, Christmas Presents, Christmas carol, Cute Even Bech Næsheim and Isak Valtersen, Even is a dork, Friends to Lovers, I think that's it - Freeform, Isak Takes Care of Even, M/M, a bit angst
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-12-28
Updated: 2017-12-28
Packaged: 2019-02-22 19:36:39
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 16,415
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13173774
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/charlyflowers/pseuds/charlyflowers
Summary: “Isak, come on, you can go into the living room, Santa's been here!“Isak takes a deep breath. He's so excited he's bouncing on his little feet. “Even, I need to hang up now, Santa has brought me presents, finally“, he says into the speaker. The answer is a high children's laughter. “Okay, Isak, go then.“A oneshot of Isak and Even during several Christmas times together.





	Life is better with you

**Author's Note:**

> I know I'm super late, but I wanted to throw out some Evak-Christmas writing.
> 
> Originally I wanted to write just a bit Christmas fluff but ended up with... this. I don't know. Hope you enjoy it nonetheless.

**1**

_six and eight_

 

“Isak, come on, you can go into the living room, Santa's been here!“

Isak takes a deep breath. He's so excited he's bouncing on his little feet.

“Even, I need to hang up now, Santa has brought me presents, finally“, he says into the speaker. The answer is a high children's laughter. “Okay, Isak, go then.“

Even had moved with his parents into their neighbourhood a few months ago and now Even's going to the same primary school as Isak. Isak didn't know how he would like him, since Even is _two_ years older and very intimidating because of that, but after some time with him Isak couldn't help but feeling comfortable in Even's presence. He is always being nice to him, cracking jokes and laughing. Isak likes his laugh a lot. But he is too shy to admit that to him.

Even, on the other hand, is the least shy guy Isak knows. He even has said that he loves Isak's hair one time while their were watching something in the tv and Isak has blushed so hard Even has been worried if he has gotten fever all of the sudden.

“Okay, you need to tell me as well, Even“, Isak insists and then he hears his favourite thing coming out of the receiver: Even's laugh.

“Okay, promise“, he reassures the younger boy. “Call me at seven?“

“Promise.“ Isak nods seriously, trying to keep the time in mind.

“Okay, bye, pumpkin“. Even keeps calling him like that, Isak doesn't know why.

“Bye, giraffe.“ Isak needs to giggle at that. He is very proud of his name for Even. Giraffes are his favourite animals, he even has a stuffed animal, a baby giraffe, sitting on his bed and he only can sleep if it is in his arms. It protects him from all evil. So Even should rather be proud and honored that he gave him that name. Not that he ever has said that to him out loud.

He hangs up and then his little legs carry him to the living room where his parents are already waiting for him.

Isak is so excited when he opens his present. His father and mother are watching him with anticipation and fondness in the eyes.

“Oh“, little Isak laughs and shakes his curls, “thank youuuuu!“ He bounces on his feet a few seconds before he runs to his mom and hugs her tightly. “I love you“, he mumbles into her shoulder. Then he looks up over her shoulder to his dad who is smiling at them both. “You too, pappa“, Isak says and his dad laughs. “Come on then, buddy, we should put this railroad to good use, shall we?“

“Yesss“, little Isak screams excitedly.

“Oh, but first we need to build a snowman, sweetie“, his mom announces. “Look, it's snowing!“

But Isak is currently occupied admiring his new train with equipment. Even a little station with a policeman and a ticket collector and a few passengers are standing there.

Isak claps his hands and shows off a little dance around his railroad. Then he is suddenly picked off the floor and then his father starts tickling him so that he cries out in joy, giggling and squirming in his grip.

His mother smiles at them, demanding to take it easy before she goes to the Christmas tree and lights the candles on it.

Later on the phone he tells Even everything about it and Even listens to it attentively. “Isak“, he says, suddenly in shock. “We don't have presents for each other.“

Isak stills. Even is right; why he didn't think about that?

“Uhm“, he says, suddenly worried, “sorry, Even, I didn't think about it... please don't be mad.“

The answer is an unbelieving laugh. “I'm not mad at you, pumpkin, I'm mad at myself. How could I forget that?“

Isak smiles. “Okay, we have two days to come up with something“, he suggests.

“Deal.“

Isak needs two days to complete his work. But he is very satisfied when he's done. So he walks over to Even, knocking at the door.

“Merry Christmas, pumpkin“, Even beams and Isak giggles. “Merry Christmas, giraffe. Here“, he hands him his present. Even takes it and starts to laugh as soon as he becomes aware of the very scrawly drawing of a giraffe, eating grass. A pumpkin with a smiley mouth is painted next to it. “Thank you, Isak, it's beautiful“, he says. Isak gives him a sheepish look. Then Even gives him his. “Seems like we have had the same idea“, he grins and as soon as Isak unwraps his present, a drawing of him and Even falls out, laying together in bed watching the stars outside. Isak's shirt is imprinted with a giraffe and on Even's shoes are two little pumpkins.

He smiles. “Thank you Even“, he mumbles, touched. Even gives him a warm smile. “Sure thing, Issy. Hey.“ Suddenly there's a sparking in his eyes and his grin widens impossibly more. “Wanna watch _christmas carol_ with us? My parents wouldn't mind.“

Isak grin falters. “Uhm. I don't know. I need to ask Mamma“, he answers but Even just throws an arm around his shoulder, dragging him inside. “We'll ask them. My pappa can call them.“

Clearly relieved, Isak nods eargerly. “But I need to be home at four. We're having my grandparents over.“

Even ruffles his hair gently while they're passing the living room with the biggest Christmas tree ever in it. “Don't worry, I got you, pumpkin.“

 

 

**2**

_eleven and thirteen_

 

Isak waits in his bed, his heart is beating way too fast to let him sleep. Tonight Santa is coming to their hous, dropping off the presents and Isak is not going to miss that. He has had a fight with one of his classmates, Julien, the douchebag, who has said Santa Claus isn't existend and Isak is stupid to believe in him.

Isak has become angry and wanted to hit Julien but Even has prevented him from that. So they has made a deal: If Isak could give him proof of the Santa Claus Julien needs to give Isak his Pokemon cards. If Isak loses, he has to give Julien his own cards.

Isak loves his cards so he is determind to win this bet.

There!

There was a noise, Isak is sure of it. He slowly sneaks out of his bed, his giraffe in his left hand, the camera from his dad in the right. He only needs one picture and then Julien will looking like a sheep. Isak has to giggle at that thought.

He slowly makes his way down the stairs, hoping that his parents won't hear him. He is almost on the last step when he freezes in his movement.

That is not Santa in his kitchen. That are definitely the noises from his parents. He frowns. Why would they be in the kitchen? Santa can't come when they're still there.

He doesn't know what to do. He wants them to go to bed, so Santa can come. 

Isak stretches his body a bit to peek in the kitchen – maybe mamma and pappa are talking to Santa – and then the camera falls to the ground with a shattering noise.

Before Isak can react there's light in the floor and his parents come out and Isak stares at them them with big eyes before he starts to cry.

He doesn't want to, he's a big boy, he doesn't need to cry. But he somehow can't stop. So he stands there on the stairs, his stuffed animal pressed to his chest and wails.

The next thing he knows is that he's suddenly in his dad's arms while his mother strokes his head, repeating over and over again that it is not his fault, that it's all good.

“I-I... bro-ke the... the camera“, Isak sobs into his dad's shirt. “I just wanted to know if Sa-anta is-s real.“

His dad only rocks him and the giraffe in his arms until Isak has calmed down a bit. Then his mother takes him in her arms, carrying him upstairs. He is almost too big for doing that but in this moment, he just needs this.

“It's okay, sweetie, it's okay, we're so sorry you heard us“, she says while she cradles him in her arms.

“Mamma?“, he asked when she has put him to bed and is about to leave. She turns around. “Yes, Isak?“

“Santa is not real, isn't he?“

His mother gives him a sad smile. “No, love“, she says. “He's not.“

Isak suppresses the urge to cry a bit more and just nods.

.

 

The next day is not the day Isak has expected. He is tired and sad over the fact Santa is just made up . Eventually Isak can't bear it anymore and runs out of the house. He has left a note that he is at Even's. Isak runs all the way and by the time he has arrived, he is out of breath. He knocks and a few seconds later Even opens the door.

He wears a Christmas sweater with little snowmans on it and he is grinning like always. Isak lets out a sigh in relief. He wasn't aware of how badly he wanted to see him, how much he needed his presence.

Even is something to Isak he can't describe. When people ask he would go with 'best friend'. And it is true in a way but also so much different. Jonas is his best friend. But despite how much Isak loves and adores Jonas, enjoys spending time with him, laughing with him... it is always different when he is with Even. He can tell Even things he would't even tell his mom. He can call him in the middle of the night and knows he won't be mad. He loves the way Even talks when he rambles about one of his favourite movies. He loves how open and kind Even is and how much fantasy is up in that head. But Isak also loves Even's face, his blue blue eyes, deep like the ocean, surrounded by lashes Isak wan'ts to count. He loves his scent, especially when Even hugs him. He always tries not to breathe in too hard, but fails everytime. When he is with Even he feels so much at ease and home, it is almost too much. Eventually Isak has accepted that it is just like this and he can't change it, even if he wants to. 

Even's eyes widen at the sight of Isak. He always can tell when something is up with him. With a worried “Isak“ he steps forward and wraps him up in a hug Isak never wants to end.

After some time it's getting really cold and Even lets go of him, leading him inside and shutting the door. “What's up, pumpkin?“, he asks softly, eyes searching for answers in Isak's face.

Isak sniffs. “Santa isn't real, Even“, he mumbles eventually, tears glistening in his eyes. Even blinks. Then he breaks out in a grin. “Yeah, I know“, he says. “And I told you that the other day.“

“I thought you were messing with me!“, Isak shouts, stamping on the ground.

“Isak, I would never lie to you“, Even laughs. 

Isak's look drops to his shoes. “I really thought he was real“, he pouts. He hears Even taking a deep breath. “I'm sorry, Is“, he says and his voice is so tender, so soft Isak can't bear it. He starts to cry again and he's ashamed that he does it in front of Even, who is two years older, now he will see how much of a baby he really is.

But then he feels a hand under his chin, carefully asking for looking at Even again. When Isak's gaze meets Even's, he sees nothing than understanding and care in it. No pity, no disgust.

“Watch a movie with me?“, he asks and it's so casual, such a _normal_ question Isak has to laugh through his tears and nods.

When they lay on Even's bed, Isak feels suddenly very tired, so he shifts without thinking until his head rests in Even's lap. They do this often when they're watching movies and Isak loves it. When Even's hand comes up to his head and his fingers run through his hear he closes his eyes, feeling at the right place.

“I wanna do this when I'm old enough“, Even says eventually.

“What?“ Isak is almost asleep, he feels so content in Even's hold.

“Doing movies. You know. Directing them.“

Isak hums at that thought. Even would certainly be a great director. He has so much ideas and images in his head and he always tells Isak when he has a new story.

“You can do it“, Isak mumbles and turns around to lie a bit more comfortable in Even's lap. “And now shut up, Ebenezer Scrooge is coming.“

.

 

“Isak, I need to give you your present!“

Isak is about to leave and turns around now very much surprised. “You got me a present?“, he asks. Even laughs. “Of course, stupid.“ And he holds out a small package.

Isak carries it home like a precious good.

It is a drawing, of him and Even, sitting in a cinema and watching a movie. In one corner is placed a little pumpkin, in the other a giraffe and in the background is a huge Christmas tree. The caption is _Merry Christmas, pumpkin_. Inside the drawing are two tickets for the new movie with all the action and cars Isak has Even told about. He knows that Even hates movies like that. 

Isak wants to give Even something as well. He thinks long and hard.

Two days later he gives Even proudly his present, pretending he just has forgotten to bring it. Even's eyes are shining when he openes it. “Oh, Isak“, he gasps when he holds up the little camera. Isak stands there and is sure he's red like a tomato. “You know, for your first photo album“, he mumbles. "Or movie. But I don't know if it's taking videos already so...“

Even gives him one look and then he envelops him in a crashing hug. “Thank you“, he says and Isak is about to say that this is just a cheap children camera and he had no more money to give him a real one but when Even looks so delighted and happy he can't bring himself to say it. So he just keeps his mouth shut and hugs him back.

 

 

**3**

_fourteen and sixteen_

 

Even has gotten himself a girlfriend. She is good looking, nice and smart and Isak hates her. Not that she is ever mean to him but now Even doesn't have so much time for him anymore, his weekends are almost everytime booked with _Sonja_ , so Isak has to spend the time alone in his house. He hates it there. His father is barely there and the mood of his mom is constantly changing.

In the past he woud have called Even instantly, his deep voice always calms him down when everything is going to hell in his house. But he has overheard a conversation between Sonja and him in which she has asked if Even can't do anything without his _appendage_. Isak felt like his veins would turn into icewater.

After that he doesn't speak with Even for almost a month, ignores his messages. He feels so pathetic. He occupies himself with work for school, looking out for his mom and cleaning the house. In his freetime he plays fifa with Jonas or Magnus or Mahdi, two guys their are friends with now.

“Hey dude, where's Even?“, Jonas asks him at one evening at his house. Isak shrugs while his heart asks him the same. “Probably with his girlfriend“, he mutters.

Jonas snorts. “Come on, we didn't see him since... I don't know. Do you guys have a fight?“

“No“, Isak says loudly. “We're just... I don't know, he's two years older, he's supposed to do something with people in his age, right?“

Jonas gives him a long look. Then he turns the attention back to the game. “You're losing“, he says.

 

.

Even also has new friends. Isak has seen them in school. They look like funny guys but Isak doesn't care. Every time Even laughs at something one of them says, the knife in his stomach turns around.

_He has replaced you._

One evening, a week before Christmas Isak lies on his bed and thinks everything is horrible. His mom doesn't want to come out of her room. At least his dad is there to take care of her. The urge to run to Even like when he was younger is suddenly so strong Isak has to swallow hard.

He turns his head and there is his giraffe, watching him. Isak let's out a shaky laugh. Then he sits up and pulls out his phone.

“Hello?“, Even says after the second ring and Isak closes his eyes at the sound of his voice.

He needs to swallow a few times. “Hey, giraffe.“

He hears Even breathing. Then-

“Hi pumpkin.“

Isak could cry. Even is still his friend. He _has to_.

But then he becomes aware of how his voice sounds. “Even, are you okay?“

For a few seconds there is silence.

“I don't know, Isak.“ The answer is so small and full of fear Isak almost drops his phone.

“Okay“, he says, trying to reassure his friend and himself. “Are you sick or something?“

“Or something.“

Isak swallows again. Even isn't supposed to sound this sad, this exhausted. It makes Isak sad, too. “Is there anything I can do?“, he asks with a shaky voice.

He hears Even gulping a few times before he finally answers.

“Talk to me? Until I fall asleep?“

In this moment it doesn't matter if Even has a girlfriend or new friends or didn't talk to him for so long – Isak is so happy to be near him, at least through the phone. So he lets out a laugh and says: “Okay, giraffe.“

 

.

The next day Isak wants to visit him, but his mom says he's sick and needs to stay in bed. He is worried but obeys. Maybe Even just has catched the flu and would call him soon. But then his phone rings and it is not Even but Sonja. Begrudgingly he picks up. “Hello?“

“Did you talk to Even? He doesn't answer my messages.“

“Why would I?“, Isak asks. Sonja lets out a laugh. “Uhm, because you are his best friend or something?“

“What?“ Isak frowns. “I haven't talked to him in weeks, Sonja, I...“

“Yeah, it is currently a bit difficult do talk with him in general“, Sonja snaps. “Because he's acting very weird and no one knows what is up with him. Then, a week ago, he has stopped talking to me or his friends completely.“

Isak feels the worry raising in his chest. That doesn't sound like Even at all. Was he so sick that he couldn't talk to his friends?

“Uhm...“

“His parents think he might be depressive. And he has acted strangely the last weeks. Has broken into a swimming pool and other stuff...“

Isak stands there, completely still. Suddenly there's not enough air in his lungs and he has to sit down. His heart feels like it is clenched and there's this high tone in his ears.

“...Isak? Hello?“

Isak wipes over his face. “Yeah?“, he croaks.

“Please talk to him. You are the only one he will listen to.“ Sonja sounds worried and for a second his sympathy for her is a bit higher. “I'll try“, he says and she hangs up.

Isak stands there for a second, cursing every time he has hated Even for not being with him. Isak has been so ignorant, so arrogant that he didn't notice when his best friend, _his Even_ , needed help.

But now isn't the time for self-pity. He needs to be somewhere.

 

.

 

When he knocks this time and his mom opens, he says that Even wants to see him. His mother lets out a sigh of relief and lets him in. “Please be silent, he doesn't like it when it's loud.“ He nods and sneaks up to Even's room, every step is like coming home.

Even is curled up in his bed, under layers of blankets. Only his hair is visible. It is quiet in his room, and dark. The curtains are up.

When Isak looks at Even a big lump starts to swell in his throat.

Even lays there, his eyes closed but he looks exhausted and tired even in his sleep.

Without hesitaion, Isak crawls under the sheets up to him, pulling Even's body agaist his, wrapping him up in his hug.

Even shifts a bit when he does.

“Isak?“, he asks and it is way more quiet and powerless than yesterday. Isak's heart clenches.

“Sleep, giraffe“, he whisperes and buries his nose in the spot of Even's neck and they do.

 

When Isak wakes up, Even is watching him with heavy eyes. He looks groggy from sleep, but a bit less lost. Isak smiles at him. “Hi“, he whispers.

“Hey, pumpkin.“ Even's voice is hoarse. He waits a few seconds, then - 

“Why are you here?“

Isak gulps. Then he inches closer until their noses are touching. “I'm cuddling you. That okay?“

He feels Even's breath ghosting over his face. He is beautiful, Isak thinks.

Then Even nods slowly and the hint of a smile spreads across his face.

“Yeah. That's chill.“

“That's chill.“

 

.

 

“Even?“

“Mmh?“

“I thought you doesn't like me anymore.“

“Why would you think that?“

“Because of your new girlfriend and your new friends and...“

“Isak Valtersen, do you think I have replaced you?“

Isak doesn't answer, he is too embarrassed. But then Even's hand comes up to stroke his cheek. It is a featherlight touch.

“No one will ever replace you. You're my pumpkin, Is“, he whispers.

“For sure?“

“For sure.“

 

.

 

Isak stays with Even for a week and slowly but steady, Even is doing better. He even bakes star- and reindeershaped cookies with Isak even though Isak burns the one half of it. Even's parents let them, obviously relieved that his son is doing better.

Isak tries his best to cheer Even up. He doesn't push him, just makes sure he feels comfortable. Sometimes they would just lay on the bed for hours, Even's head in Isak's lap while Isak would caress his hair. Sometimes Sonja would call. Mostly Isak picks up and explains her the situation.

“Do you like Christmas?“, Even asks him suddenly one evening, when they are lying in bed again, watching _christmas carol_. It is the day before Christmas and Isak knows that he has to go home in a few hours.

He thinks long and hard about the question before he answers. “I don't know“, he admits. “I think the actual meaning is nice. You know“, he strokes Even's forehead because fuck it, that's what they do okay. “Being kind to each other. Showing affection and that you matter to your family and friends.“ He becomes sad after he said it. Things aren't too good at home. Sometimes he wishes he would be just like every other kid, with a sister and brother and a dog, his parents would love each other.

Even seems to sense it and squeezes his fingers in silent support.

“I like it“, he says after some time. “I mean, not the whole crap in the shops and the commercial and the buying mania...“

“Wow, you're sounding like Jonas now“, Isak mutters and Even smiles.

“No, but I love when it snows and everything gets quiet. Like a silencer over the whole town. And the baking“, he nudges his hand into Isak's side, grinning, “and the _feeling_ of Christmas. The feeling when you're completely at ease, being at home with your family and watching _home alone_ for the tenth time.“ 

"Or _christmas carol?_ " 

"Or _christmas carol_." He shifts a bit, letting his finger trace up and down the sheets.

Isak swallows. It has been a long time since it was like this at home. But what Even says next surprises him.

“I also like it because you and me... we are giving us presents.“

Isak snorts. “Yeah, we're friends, giraffe“, he says, “friends do this.“

Even gives him a strange look. “No, I mean... I like that we can have that.“ He narrows his eyes. “I don't know how to explain“, he complains. “I think that... it is nice, that we can give each other presents and you are always coming over to give me mine and we are watching _christmas carol_...“ His gaze meets Isak's. “Do you get what I mean?“

And even though it is probably just a thing friends do and nothing special, Isak thinks he gets what Even means. Even though it isn't special it still _feels_ like it. Isak feels warm all over at the thought that Even would feel the same.

So he nods, starting to stroke his hair again.

“Hey Isak?“

“Mmh?“

“I wanted to give you a book for Christmas. About space, you know.“

Isak smiles. “That's nice, Even but you don't have to-“

“Don't be silly, Isak, we always do that.“ For a moment he is silent. He looks frustrated with himself. “I kind of... got distracted when I wanted to buy it“, he says and he sounds so sad Isak unintentionally pulls him closer. “I really wanted to buy you a present“, Even chokes out, “but I couldn't bring myself to get up, I just couldn't...“

“Shhh, Even, it's okay, I don't mind.“ Isak rocks him back and forth gently. “You know what?“, he says after a while, “I wanted to buy you a camera. You know, a special expensive shit camera with features and stuff. But first I was mad at you for... you know. And then I became aware that I don't have so much money.“ He lets out a laugh and also Even snorts at that. “So let's just pretend like we _have_ given something each other okay?“

Even actually grins. “Okay“, he says and immediately starts. “Isak, the camera is making so good pictures, I don't believe it!“

Isak chuckles. “Thanks“, he answers and goes on with “you know, this particulary chapter about black holes is so fascinating! I read it the whole morning.“

They both keep bantering about that a while, joking and teasing a little. But eventually Even becomes serious again.

“You gave me something, you know“, he mumbles, hiding his face in Isak's stomach. “For just being here when you don't have to.“  
He watches Even's face, pale and beautiful on his body. In this moment he is sure of having the most precious treasure in his lap.

“I don't mind being here“, he says and drops a featherlight kiss into Even's silky hair.

“Pshhh, the ghost of the present is about to appear.“

“Asshole.“

 

.

 

“Is?“

“Mmh?“

“If I'm seriously sick or something-“

“Stop saying that.“

“I mean... it is okay if you want to back off. I won't be mad.“

“Don't be silly, Even.“

“Why? You never know. I could be bad for you.“

“You could never be bad for me.“

“Isak...“

“No, Even. Never. In no universe that exists.“

“Isak?“

“Mmh?“

“I'm afraid. I'm fucking scared.“

“I know“, Isak says in Even's hair, feeling the tears falling from Even's eyes down in his hair between his fingertips. “I know.“

 

.

 

A month later Even is diagnosed with bipolar disorder and Isak holds him that night when he cries out his anger, frustration, anxiety and helplessness in Isak's shoulder. 

 

 

**4**

_sixteen and eighteen_

 

Isak is gay. He knows it and he also knows there's no point in denying it. But there's this fear, this terrible fear of coming out. He doesn't know how his friends would react, how his _religious_ mother would react.

He is afraid. So afraid.

So he says nothing and goes to parties with Jonas, Mahdi, Magnus and Even, pretending to have fun when a girl wants to shove her tongue in his mouth. Adn whenever he catches the sight of Even and Sonja together, his jaw clenches and he looks away.

He can't sleep. Everyday the bags under his eyes keep getting bigger and Even asks him at lunch if there's anything up.

Isak just shrugs and tells him the school's kicking his ass. Even drops it but he keeps looking at Isak.

One night it gets too bad. Isak drinks as much as he can to forget Sonja's lips on Even's but somehow, he can't.

With every drink it's getting worse until everything spins aorund him. Suddenly he's in the bathroom, alone and someone is knocking at the door. “Isak?“

“Go away, Jonas“, Isak huffs.

“Get your grumpy drunk ass out of there, we're going home.“

“I can't“, Isak mumbles, “I can't move...“

The only thing that is moving is his heart. Oh, and his stomach.

“Isak?“

Isak lets out a groan and glares at the door. “Go away, Even, find your girlfriend“, he said, probably as bit too lout and too angry. The answer is a laugh. “Come on, let me in, we need to go.“

Isak wants to laugh because why would Even go home? But then everything is black for a moment and then he pants hard, trying to get control over his body again.

“Isak? Isak, open the door. Please.“

“Can't“, he mutters, “can't move.“

He hears Even letting out a breath. “Okay, Isak, you can do it, just... open the door. Okay?“

Isak wants to argue, wants to be annoyed with Even, but he's too weak for doing that. Instead he slips off the toilet seat and crawls towards the door. He slowly turns the key and is almost hit by the door when Even opens it fiercefully.

“Thank god“, he says and drops immediately next to him on his knees. “Hey, Isak, you alright?“

Isak can't answer, everything is spinning. He wouldn't even recognized that the person next to him is Even, but his scent is giving him away.

“Isak?“

Even has such a deep voice. It's doing things to Isak, things he doesn't want to admit.

But now Even's here, right next to him, worrying about _him_ and Isak can't take it.

“Where's Sonja?“, he mumbles. Even stills in his movement to get him a glass of water. “What? Why?“

“'Aren't 'u s'pposed to spend the time with 'er? 'cause you're her boyfrien'?“

Isak doesn't want to say it. He hates that word because he isn't allowed to use it. 

For a moment Even is quiet and Isak wonders if he has left. Maybe he went to look after Sonja, maybe he has realized Isak likes guys, likes _him_.

Before he can panic, there're hands, forcing him gently to look up from the floor. “Isak“, Even says and he says it with so much care, with so much _emotions_ Isak has to look up. He stares into that blue eyes and hates everything. Why is Even so beautiful.

“Isak“, he says again and Isak hums at that. He loves when Even says his name, lives for it.

“Right now I care about you. I...“ He stops, his gaze roaming all over Isak's face until it settles on his lips. “It's you, Issy“, he whispers. “You and me. Okay? I got you. No matter what.“

Isak's not sure what that means but he nods. “You an' me?“, he repeats. Even smiles and it's a soft, private smile. _His_ Even smile. “Yes, pumpkin. But for now“, he holds up the water. “Please drink and then let's get you home.“

 

The next days are very bad. Isak can't function, can't sleep, can't do anything. His father isn't home either and his mom is in her room.

He is gay and he needs to say it, otherwise he would explode. He has to do it. And he would live with the consequences.

He knows now that there's no way to sneak through.

With trembling fingers he picks up his phone.

“Hey pumpkin.“

Isak swallows. “Hi, giraffe“, he whispers.

He knows how he must sound. And right.

“Isak? What's up? Is it your mom?“

“No“, Isak says and wipes away his tears. “No, I... can you come over please?“ The rest of his sentence is so quiet he's not sure Even has heard it. But then Even says “okay“ and that's it.

When Even comes in Isak's room Isak is sitting on his bed, staring at the window.

“Hey, Is“, Even says softly, sitting next to him. He doesn't say more, he just waits. Waits for words Isak wants to say so badly. _I like you. You mean everything to me. I feel so good when I'm with you. Don't go away._

“I...“ Isak gulps. “Even, I'm going to say something now and it's totally fine if you don't want to be friends with me or... if you need time or something.“

He hears Even make a surprised sound. “Okay“, he says rectulantly.

Isak closes his eyes. Okay, he can do it. Now the time is there.

“I think I'm gay“, he admits, nearly inaudible, eyes still closed. Then he waits, his heart beating so fast he is afraid it would leave his chest.

Oh god, he made a mistake, Even will stand up and leave and then Isak would crumble, he would break down because he couldn't stand the fact that he would never see Even again...

Then he stills. Even is still here. Slowly Isak opens his eyes.

Even sits there, watching him. He bites his lip. Then - 

“I think I'm pan“, he says, eyes never leaving Isak's. For a moment there's silence.

Then Even gives him one of his Even-smiles and they both need to laugh. And then Isak starts to cry.

It's a releaved crying, a crying that washes his dark thoughts away.

And when Even reaches out to pull him in a hug, he thinks everything is gonna be okay.

“Look, Isak“, Even suddenly says. “The first snow.“

Isak raises his gaze. A smile starts to spread across his face. “Think we can make a snowball fight?“

 

After that it isn't that hard to come out to his friends and all of them accept it in a blink. Isak is so grateful for his awesome fuckers he can call his friends. But the probably best reaction came from Jonas when they were sitting on a bank, eating kebab, and Isak admitted it to him. Because the only reaction from him was ashrug and a “okay“. After that he asked Isak for the homework in English and Isak suppressed the urge to cry again. Instead he smiles silently into his kebab.

 

.

 

It is Christmas day and everything what can go down, goes down with a bang.

His mom is in the hospital after a horrible afternoon in which she had thrown things out of the window and cried through the whole street that the devil is going to get them all.

Isak tries to calm her down and when nothing would help he first calls the ambulance, then Even. Jonas is too far away to get there in time. His father doesn't answer his phone.

Even listens to his incoherently sobbing, only says: “I'm on my way“, and hangs up. Isak waits while he tries to calm his mamma down.

When Even shows up the ambulance is already there. Even says nothing, he just pulls him into his chest and holds him for good ten minutes while Isak is sobbing into his shoulder out of exhaustion, sadness and fear.

He stays with him the whole time, he even comes with him to the hospital. Isak feels pathetic and small but Even keeps runnig his hands over his back and whispers reassuring things in his ear.

Isak is so, so grateful for him to be here with him. He doesn't know how to show him with words so he just buries himself deeper into his chest and lets go.

Even stays with him. He stays when the docotor tells him about the state of his mother. He stays when Isak cries even more. He stays when Isak's dad arrives, mumbling an excuse and wants to go home with Isak. But Isak hides himself in Even's side, refusing to let go until his dad leaves the hospital alone.

He stays. And when Isak gets too tired to do anything, he pulls him up and carries him out of the building to a cab and gently puts him on the backseat. He sits beside him and holds him tight until they're at Isak's.

“Pumpkin, wake up“, he says. Isak shakes his head. “Can I come home with you?“, he asks. He doesn't care anymore. Nothing matters anymore.

A hurt expression appears on the older boy's face. “I'm sure your dad is happy to see you“, he whispers, “he is worried about you.“

Isak snorts. “Don't care“, he mumbles, pulling Even closer. “Don't go.“

Even's breath hitches when he hugs him back even more forcefully. “I wish I could stay“, he says into Isak's curls, his hand running up and down his spine. “But hey, what about tonight? You can sneak out and come to mine?“

Isak nods.

 

When he sneaks up to Even's room he thinks about how peaceful and lovely everything looks. He feels more home here than in his own house.

Even lays on his bed, smiling tiredly at him.

“How are you?“, Isak asks. Even only shakes his head. “I'm supposed to ask you that“, he says but still answers. “Im good. I have better medicine now.“ He sighs and Isak crawls up to him, snuggling to his side. “I think I'm more stable now“, he tells him and Isak smiles. He is so proud of him.

“I'm so proud of you“, he whispers.

Even's grip around his shoulder tightens. “Yeah?“

“Yeah, giraffe.“

Even lets out a laugh at that.

“I think I hate Christmas“, Isak whispers into the fabric of Even's shirt. “I can never be happy at Christmas again.“

Even rubs his thumb over his shoulder, his other plays with a lose string in his shirt. “I'm so sorry Isak“, he says eventually. “I whish I could do something to make it better.“

Isak knows that he feels guilty, that he sometimes thinks he is a burden to everyone and especially Isak, who has already his sick mother. He hates when Even becomes like it. He wishes so much he could show him how much he means to him, how much his life is better with him. How strong Isak thinks he really is. How much he adores his strength to get up again after a depressive episode.

“It's enough that you're here now“, he whispers. “More than enough.“

They don't share Christmas presents tonight. They don't watch _christmas carol_ , either. They just lay there and hold each other in the darkness while the snow falls outside silently, covering everything in a white blanket.

 

.

 

A few months after that things are getting so bad at home Isak can't physically stand it there. After they announced to him that they will get the divorce he runs away, not to Even because he doesn't want him to see him so broken, so he runs further until he spots a gay bar and thinks fuck off and sits there.

He orders drink after drink, trying to drown his memories. Some guy asks him if he is okay and when he wants to answer his head starts to fall onto the table and he passes out.

When he wakes up he's in a strange room and the guy is bend above him.

“Jesus, you okay?“, he asks.

Isak nods. The guy smiles. “I'm Eskild“, he says.

“Isak“, Isak mumbles.

 

.

 

Isak stays there. He doesn't want to go back home and his parents accept it. His dad is probably relieved that he isn't there and his mom... well, his mom is in an assisted dorm.

 

 

**5**

_nineteen and twenty one_

 

“I swear, this teacher is the worst, I mean, who the hell thought it was a good idea to let this guy teach?“ Furiously Isak bites in his burger, chewing and swallowing before he turns his attention back to his friends.

Jonas nods. “My phylosophy teacher is even worse“, he argues and then everybody starts to yell about their problems at uni.

Isak sits with Magnus, Mahdi, Vilde, Sana and Jonas at one table.

Sana is his friend since he has started taking med school and Vilde is Magnus' girlfriend.

Suddenly his phone bings and he receives a message from Even.

**Giraffe** : _Sorry, the traffic is a bitch, I'll be there in five_

Isak smiles at his phone, then tiping an answer.

**Isak:** _As always, mister_

**Giraffe** : _Oi. You love me nevertheless, grumpy cat_

Isak grins at his phone.

“Uh, Isak, who's writing you?“, Vilde asks eagerly. Isak shakes his head. “No one“, he huffs, “just Even.“

Jonas snorts. “ _Just_ Even, huh.“ He gives Isak a knowing look and Isak curses the day he was so drunk he admitted his may or not be existend crush on his probably oldest friend.

He coughs, hoping someone will change the topic. Luckily, Mahdi comes for his rescue. “I don't have a Christmas present for my mom yet“, he says. “Do you think she would be glad about a waffle iron?“

Suddenly there's a hand on Isak's shoulder and then a white Even drops in his seat next to him. Literally white. Covered in snow.

“It snows so hard, guys“, he says a bit out of breath. Isak notices his shiny eyes, his beaming smile and rosy cheeks and nose from the cold.

“Oh yeah? I couldn't tell“, he says amused. Even shots him a playful glare. “Watch out, or you will get nothing than a snowman this year, Valtersen“, he threatens. Isak laughs. “Oi, now I'm scared“; he teases.

Then Magnus cuts in the conversation, wanting to know how he could make his hair more silky like Even's.

Even laughs at that and Isak watches him fondly. Then he suddenly catches the sight of Jonas, staring at him with a smirk. He stops smiling, raising an eyebrow in a silent question.

Later, when they walk back to the tram, Jonas intercepts Isak.

“Isak, how long do you wanna do this?“, he asks him. Isak squirms unsettled. “What do you mean?“, he asks even though he knows exactly what he means.

Even has dumped Sonja two years ago. And everything in Isak has screamed _go, Isak, go for it_. But in the end he has been too much of a coward to stand his man and ask Even, his oldest friend, out. There were too many doubts, too many evil thoughts preventing him from it. It is good how it is now, right? He and Even, friends. 

Jonas gives him a look. “Come on, Issy-K“, he says, “you're falling for him since when? Ten years ago? It's time you do something about it already.“

Isak shakes his head violently. “No, Jonas, it would destroy everything we have, okay? He's... he's my friend“, he ends with a small voice, watching Even's silhouette in front of him.

“Isak, nobody acts like that as like you do and calls it friends.“ Jonas squeezes his shoulder. “Isak“, he says, “I'm your best friend and I know you since you were a little piece of shit. And I can tell you are in love. And you need to do something about it. And if I can tell you a very obvious secret“, he leans in to stage whisper in Isak's ear. “He likes you, too.“

Isak rolls his eyes. “Of course he likes me, Jonas, we're friends“, but Jonas shakes his head, “no, I mean, he _likes_ you. He would do anything for you.“

Isak swallows. He watches Even picking up a bit snow to shove it into Magnus' neck, causing him to sqeak.

“He's just... he's touchy and friendly with everyone, Jonas“, he says quickly but Jonas only sighs. “Isak“, he says softly, “what are you so afraid of?“

And Isak doesn't know. Maybe because he has waited so long that he image of him and Even, _together_ is so surreal he could laugh. Maybe he is afraid of being rejected. Of losing Even. 

He has managed to ignore his feelings for a good while, has said himself that it was better this way. He can't lose Even for something like that, no way. It's good what they have now.

He has had a few relationships since he's come out. Some of them were good, some not so good. But nothing was really great and Isak has nearly accepted that he was just not a relationship- person.

The next day Isak needs to fly to a student-meeting, visiting the _doctors without borders_. Isak is not sure if he wants to be a doctor yet, so he thinks it is a good opportunity. The only thing is, he won't be home for Christmas. But who cares, anyway. Except for his mom, Even and maybe Sana and Jonas there's no one he wants to spend time with at this time of the year.

He is probably not the most likeable type of guy, grumpy and annoyed by everybody. Maybe he just will stay alone forever.

But even in the base of the _DWB_ Isak can't escape that holy time and in the evening he excuses himself to go up to his room. He can't stand the laughing, cheering, dancing and eating and the light strings, candles and branches, even the smell of good food and conifer... it all makes him lonely. He knows no one in his group he came with, so no one is here to notice.

He is about to say fuck it and go to bed when a skype video call appears on his screen. He glances at the screen, wondering who it might be. He has sort of forbidden to make or receive any wishes for Christmas.

When he sees it's Even (seriously, who else could it be?), Isak's lips twich. He quickly throws himself over the bed and confirms the inquiry.

“I'm so mad you broke our holy tradition“, is the first thing Even says and Isak smiles at his voice while simultaneously feeling very very guilty.

“Sorry, Even“, he says, making himself more comfortable on the bed, “I had to...“

“I don't buy that bullshit“, Even says, “Sana is also at home and she's taking the same classes as you. You _betrayed_ me, Isak.“

Isak laughs at Even's dramtatic voice. “I'm so sorry, dork“, he utters, “but unlike you, there're people who aren't wordwide known and have thousands of prices in a fancy showcase and don't swim in money yet...“

“It was _one_ little award“, Even interrupts fiercely, “and I told you it was just a request from Toronto, nothing special, just a small thing, I don't even know if I'll get it. And about the money you're being ridiculous, I'm still in a shared apartment.“

Even is studying direcion, production and camera in Oslo and he nails it. He already has a price for the student's movie of the year and Isak was so proud when he heard it he grinned the whole day like an idiot.

“Yeah, because you're dumb“, Isak fires back. “Who the hell whould do that?“

“Guys with limited finances.“

“Sure.“

“If you would live with me I would _so_ freak out“, Even mumbles.

Isak swallows. “Yeah, luckily we don't“, he says and for a short moment he thinks he can see just the hint of disappointment on Even's face. “Yeah“, he agrees then, “we don't.“

There's a moment of silence.

“So“, Even says solicitously cheerful. “How are you spending your Christmas time there?“

Isak lets out a loud snore. “Oh, I just came here to rest a bit from all the overwhelming _joy_ and _love_.“

“Wow.“ Even's laugh is almost as beautiful through the screen as in real life. “Grumpy Isak strikes again.“

“I just don't like it.“

“Yes.“ Even's voice is soft. “I know.“ He bites his chapped lips for a moment before he carefully adds: “How's your mom?“

Isak actually starts to smile at that. “Better“, he tells, “but she's almost as mad as you that I don't visit her for Christmas.“

Even lets out a symphatically hum. “You break the heart of your loved ones“, he sniffs, wiping away a fake tear.

Isak laughs while trying to ignore the feeling at the word _loved_. “That's me, cold as ice“; he shrugs. Even comes a bit closer to the screen and cocks his head to the side. Isak had never said it to him but he finds it incredibly cute when he does that. (Or yawns. Or sneezes. Oh god, he's _so_ adorable when he sneezes.)

“Nah“, Even smiles, “you're a total softie. But it's okay, I won't tell anyone.“

Isak lets out an outraged noise. “ _Huh_? I'm not a softie, I'm like the _master_ of being not a softie, Even.“

“Mmh. Wanna watch _forrest gump_ again?“

“That's not fair; I wasn't prepared for Jenny to die, okay. And I got something in my eye, sue me!“

Even laughs again, so hard his eyes almost disappear. “Okay okay, my apologies.“ He sighs, long and dramtically. “It sucks that you're not here“, he suddenly says earnest, “I don't like it.“

Isak heart swells and a warm feeling spreads out in his stomach. “Sorry.“ He means it. “I just... you know it's always a big deal for me.“

Even nods. “Yes, but it sucks that I can't help you with it.“ He furrows his eyebrows and Isak wants to reach out and stroke the folds away from his forehead.

“You always make it better“, Isak admits and adds, hesitantly, “I believe I thought when I'm not home at Christmas it's not that bad.“ He stops. “But somehow, it's even worse not being there.“ He bites his lip. “Even if I keep saying it doesn't mean anything for me... It sort of does, in a way.“ He stops for a moment but in the end forces himself to speak further. “I thought that... if I don't have a real family, I don't need to celebrate it.“ He is a bit ashamed of his last words and Even instantly calls him out on it.

“Isak, you do have a family“, he says passionately, “you have your mom! Do you have any idea of how much she loves you? Do you remember when you came out to her and called me after that to tell me she said she would love you, no matter what and-“

“Yeah, I remember“, Isak cuts him off, feeling the lump already raise in his throat but Even doesn't stop there.

“Do you know that your father cares also about you? You might not believe it or maybe you don't want to see it but when he visited you and I came over, he looked at you with so much guilt and love and affection... Isak, when you called him the first time in years, he was so happy about it!“

Isak remembered that night very good. He had called Even after it. They had talked almost two hours until Isak's heart calmed down so far to let him get some sleep.

“And you know, you might have the smallest family under the maybe not the greates circumstances. But you have them.“ Even has his look in his face, the look he also uses when he gets so passionate about a movie he can't describe how wonderful it is. “And you have your friends“, he adds, almost shyly, after that and then looks away. 

Isak has to look away. “How dare you“, he mumbles while wiping his tears away, “to got me all emotional today.“ He smiles through his tears, though and Even smiles back, clearly relieved that Isak took it well. “Sorry, I got a bit carried away, I...“, he starts.

“Oh, nothing knew, mister“, Isak laughs. “But seriously. Thank you. That was probably long overdue.“

“Indeed.“

Isak is silent for a moment. He thinks about what Even has said. He wants to say a lot of things: how grateful he is to have a friend like Even, how much he wants to be home now, how he misses their tradition they wouldn't get to do this time. But because he isn't good with words and is afraid he would say more than he wants he just goes with: “I think I'm gonna call my parents later.“

Even cheers at that and Isak's heart does that _thing_.

“So, I'm still mad you broke our tradition“, Even pouts after they has chatted about other things. Isak grits his teeth. “You will make me pay for that, right?“

“Oh, yes“, Even grins mischievously, dragging out the 's'. “You will have to make me so many hot chocolates, you have no idea. And I want to watch _titanic_ again.“

Isak groans. “No, please, not again.“

“It's such a good movie, Isak.“

“I don't wanna see Leonardo dying again.“

“Isak.“

“Okay, fine.“ Isak huffs. “And I will have this earwig for weeks. _Again_.“ He sighs dramatically. “But okay. The things I do for you.“

“So self-sacrificing, darling.“

Isak snorts. “So, fucker, what are you up to today?“

“Oh.“ Even claps his hands enthusiastically. “I thought if you're not here to celebrate with me, we can at least do one thing of our tradition.“

“Movie?“

“Who told you that?“

Isak grins. “We have seen this way too often.“

“Probably, yeah. Come on, make yourself comfortable and start the stream.“ Even tipes something on his laptop. Isak watches him fondly. “You really make us watch _christmas carol_ again."

“Yup. And no complaining, please.“

“Never.“

“Okay, you're ready? We'll start at three. One, two, three...“

.

When Isak is back at home he visits his mom and promises her to spend the next Christmas with her. Then he visits Eskild and Linn who celebrated Christmas at the kollektive. Eskild wraps Isak into a crashing hug before he starts a ten minutes speech about how much his baby gay has grown up. Isak has his own flat now, because he needed something closer to his campus.

Then he drives to Jonas', who hugs him violently and forces him to eat goose with them. After that he drives to Even's old house. 

“Hey“, Even smiles at him.

“Hi.“ Isak grins. “How is your vacation?“

“Terrible, there's no neighbour boy I can annoy.“

Isak rolls his eyes and holds out a package. “Here.“

“Oi.“ Even's eyes are glowing. “Come up, I may have even something for you.“

When they are in Even's old room, Even hands him a packet. “You first“, he demands and Isak obeys with an eyeroll.

“Oh my god, you did not!“

“I did.“

“That's the new book about black holes from the professor I told you about“, Isak yells, “and I wanted to buy it but it was sold out.“

“Well.“ Even smirks. “As a famous student with so many cash and awards I may have pulled some strings.“

“Really?“

“No, Isak“, Even laughs, “I just went to a book store and got the second last exemplar.“ His smiles gets more private. “Now I have bought you a science book.“

Isak blinks. “You remembered that“, he says, quite in awe.

“Of course I did.“

Isak lets himself get lost in the memories years ago, then he shakes his head to stay in the present.

“Thank you, Even“, he says sincerely. “Now you.“

Of course Even makes a show of pulling the paper away from his present, causing Isak to hiss in impatience. But when he finally has the thing in his hands he is speechless.

“Isak“, he whispers.

It is the camera Even was talking about since five months. And even Isak has no clue about cameras he is aware of how good this one is.

“Now you have finally the best“, Isak says. “And can make this new little movie you told me about.“

Even says nothing and for a moment Isak is worried it is the wrong exemplar. He even dragged Mikael with him to help him with the selection.

But then he's suddenly surrounded by strong arms which almost lift him up from the ground. “Thank you, Isak, I... I can't accept that, that's too expensive.“

“You love this camera, don't be an idiot“, Isak says, a bit muffled by Even's arm. “I knew you wouldn't buy it for yourself. But don't get too excited, you won't get any presents for your birthday.“

“Isak“, Even repeats and lets go of him. His eyes are shiny and he swallows hard. “I can't accept that. That's too much, that is...“

“Even“, Isak says, stubborn as he is. “take this camera and put it to good use. That is the last thing I want to hear about this. Oh and please mention me in your next Oscar speech, thanks.“

Even stares at him for a moment. Than he is suddenly in Isak's space and kisses him on the cheek. “Thank you, Isak“, he says. For a moment there are only the two of them and Isak can feel the urge to close the gap between them.

Then Even's mom calls from downstairs and the moment is over. Even sighs and takes a step back and Isak rubs his neck while looking at his shoes.

“Hey, pumpkin.“

Isak looks up.

“Are you up for a snowball fight?“

Isak swallows the feelings away and grins. “You will lose, giraffe.“

 

 

**6**

_twenty and twenty two_

 

Even is gone.

He is gone and Isak is broken.

“Jesus, Isak, you're sounding like he went to the sea“, Jonas sighs on the other end of the phone. “It's just two months and it's Toronto, not North Korea.“

“I miss him, Jonas“, Isak whines as if Jonas could make it better. Jonas clicks his tongue. “You two“, he says agrily, “you are the biggest douchebags in the universe. You will probably get into the Guinness Book of Records for the slowest burn ever.“

“I told you, it's nothing like that.“

“Isak, you told me about it. Drunk and under tears. Nearly an hour.“

“I did not.“

“Okay.“ Jonas clears his throat and starts talking with a fake voice. “ _Oh, Jonas, he's so pretty and awesome and smart and beautiful. Have you seen his last movie on youtube? It's so amazing, he's amazing! And he's so pretty, hasn't he the most beautiful eyes? I mean, there're like _wow_. And he is so kind and hot and passionate and I wanna fuck him until I become senseless and wanna have kids with him and a big house with a garden and a goldfish and-_ “

“I did _not_ say that!“, Isak exclaims, glad Jonas isn't there to witness his burning cheeks.

“The last part maybe not with your mouth.“

Isak groans into his hands. “Fuck“, he mutters muffled. “I'm so fucked.“

Jonas lets out a long breath. “Isak, I told you like, three years ago to go get the man. He's perfect. And he loves your grumpy ass. He really does.“

“You can't know th-“

“Everybody knows that Isak, except you two. Just ask him.“

“I don't believe you.“

“Isak, if there's the slighest hint of it that Even doesn't adores the ground you walk on, I honestly will lose trust in the human kind“, Jonas tells him.

Isak's heart clenches. “Jonas, I can't“, he whispers, “what If I lose him? What if he doesn't like me?“

“But what if he does?“

Isak goes silent. He has convinced himself over the last years that Even and him were better as friends. That was what they always were and it was good. No need to change that.

But sometimes it comes through. A desire, the urge to be near Even, in a way they wasn't before. Usually he managed to push that feeling down. But recently it got harder and harder to do it.

And what if... what if Even feels a bit the same as him?

“I know you're scared.“ Jonas voice comes out of the receiver. “And I gave you your time. I thought you two would figure it out over the past years. But apparently“, Jonas sighs dramatically. “I was wrong. Love is so confusing sometimes.“

Isak snorts. “You're one to talk. How's Eva?“

“Good, she sends greetings. But don't distract me.“ Jonas' voice becomes softer. “Isak, I know there's nothing harder than tell somebody how you feel. And to tell a friend how you feel is probably the hardest. But sometimes you have to do it, Issy. And sometimes you'll get something great out of it. A hot guy, for example.“

“You ruined the whole thing now.“ Isak swallows hard. He knows Jonas is right. He knows it way longer, if he's being honest with himself. But it's so hard. So fucking frightening.

But he has to. He can't bottle up his feelings anymore. He would burst if he doesn't do it. So he takes a deep breath and promises Jonas he will do it.

.

It's almost Christmas and Isak is as nervous as he has never been in his life, he is sure of it. Now, that he has admitted his feelings there seems to be no room for something else than Even. His heart drums in his chest, his hands are sweaty, his thoughts are foggy.

But he just doesn't get an opportunity to talk to him.

Even is still in Toronto. He has so much work to do he barely has a minute to talk to Isak and Isak won't do it via Skype, no way. He thinks about doing it at Christmas. He is better with that day now. He still has Even's words from last year in his ears and he's actually a bit excited and very very nervous. He will spend the day with his mamma, and the next day his dad would come to join for dinner.

But no... Christmas isn't good, either. Even will be at his parents, and Isak has his own family thing. 

No... he will do it after Christmas. Yes. That's better, probably.

.

 

“Fuck, Even, I'm so fucked!“

“Calm down, Issy, it's not that bad-“

“Even, you know me and my non-existent cleaning skills.“

Isak is in Bergen. He had to join a super lame yet super important lecture from a famous professor about molecular constituents and he had completely miscalculated how long this would acutally took. So he has missed his flight yesterday night and now he is still in his hotel room, has to wait three hours until his plane to Oslo takes off and his mom would be visiting him tomorrow.

Cause guess what. It is Christmas tomorrow. And Isak's flat is like, the most unprepared one for Christmas ever.

He's the dumbest idiot on this earth.

“Is, I'm sure it is...“

“Even. Stop lying to me.“ Isak sighs into the speaker of his phone. “Christmas is like a curse, Even.“

Even lets out a bemused chuckle. “Stop pouring self-pity on you. That won't help you.“

Isak makes a grimace at his phone and feels better. “Yes, dad.“

“Can't you just ask Jonas or someone to check your flat?“

“Jonas is at his parents and Sana is not even in the country.“

“Hm.“

“And I can't ask you, because you're still in fucking Toronto.“

“Sorry, Isak, some people have to work.“

“At Christmas?“

“I told you, I'm coming home next week.“

“Too late!“

“Aw, Is, do you miss me?“ Isak can see the grin through the phone.

“I miss that there's no one to take care of my flat, dumbass“, Isak grumbles. Even laughs. “You miss me, I know it“, he teases. “But don't worry, we'll see each other soon.“

“Next week.“ Isak can't help himself but let his frustration sound through.

“Isak, the new week starts in three days.“

“Still.“ Isak is pouting at his phone. “Just stay in fucking Toronto“, he mumbles.

“I love my grumpy Isak. You're so cute when you get all grumpy and annoying.“

“I'm not cute“, Isak complains while his heart soars at Even's words. Even ignores him.

“You are like, a cat who hisses at everyone. And I'm the only one who can speak your language. I'm the Isak-whisperer.“ His voice gets excited.

“I'm leaving. By, was nice to have you as a friend.“

“Isak.“

“And just for the record: I'm hissing at you, too.“

“Because you need to hide your love for me.“

Isak squirms at how close Even is with this statement actually. “Yeah sure“, he manages to answer disctracted.

“Oh, Isak, I have to go.“ In the background Isak can hear other voices. “Still need some work to do.“

“You sure you're fine with that?“, Isak asks and frowns. Two years ago Even has had an episode which was probably triggered by his work schedule. Since then Even tries to balance work and free time out as good as he can.

“Yeah, just one last scene, then I'm done.“ Isak nods at that. “Okay.“ He bites his lip. “Just... I... uhm... don't die on your flight.“

Even laughs at that. “I'll try“, he promises. “See you in three days.“

“Yeah“, Isak answers and tries to hide his excitment about it. “See you then.“

 

.

 

When Isak gets out of the cabin he is so tired he just wants to crawl in his bed and sleep forever. It is pretty late, past nine p.m. It is too late to organize Christmas stuff, anyway. He and his mom will have to just spend the day outside and eat with his dad in a restaurant.

He takes the stairs with sluggish steps and needs a lifetime to get his key out of his bag.

Then he stops.

Since when is there hanging a wreath at his door?

He frowns but then shrugs it off. Probably a gift from the neighbours.

He opens the door and drags himself inside. He doesn't bother himself to make light, he just kicks his shoes off and goes to the kitchen. Just one glass water and then sweet dreams. 

He needs to cross the living room to reach the kitchen and when he walks inside he startles. His heart hammers in his chest.

There's a figure, a figure which is normally not there. He thinks about a weapon in his reach and fails. He curses and moves slowly to the light switch. Okay. Whoever is there... he would beat him down. Or call the police. His fingers are clenched around his phone.

Then he quickly turns the light on and positions himself in front of the enemy.

He blinks at the sudden light, squinting his eyes. Wait... that is no figure, no _person_.

It is a tree. A Christmas tree.

He doesn't understand anything. Slowly he removes his defence and looks around as soon as his eyes can handle it.

There's a Christmas tree in his flat. And not only that. There're candles all over the room and a bowl with cookies inside on the coffee table.

Isak narrows his eyes. Mabye he has broken into the wrong appartment. His flat isn't so clean and shiny and... tidy.

Isak shakes his head. He is so confused for a moment he is convinced this is a very weird dream.

“I thought you would never come home“.

Isak is sure he has a heartattack right now. He lets out a little scream and turns around to face the person who has dared to scare the fuck out of him. He turns around a bit too fast, unfortunately, so he stumbles and nearly falls. The person a the doorframe lets out a laugh, then steps forward to grab his arm, and Isak know this laugh, he knows it almost better than his own.

Slowly he raises his head.

Then he starts to yell.

“What the fuck, Even?!“, he breathes, furiously. “How dare you to scare me like that? What are you doing here? You're in Toronto!“

Even chuckles and steps closer. “Sorry, Issy“, he says and looks almost guilty. “I wanted to surprise you.“

“Yeah, nailed that one“, Isak grumbles. He wants to be mad at Even, but for now the urge to touch him is bigger, so he stumbles right into Even's personal space and wraps his arms around him. “I missed you“, Isak says into the fabric of his shirt because it is so true. Two months are too long.

Even's grip tightens around him and Isak feels him burying his nose in his hair. “I missed you, too“, he mumbles. “Missed you so much.“

For several moments they just hold each other, rocking back and forth. Isak is positive he could falll asleep like this. He has never felt more comfortable.

Eventually they need to let go of each other and Isak moves begrudginly a bit back to look properly at Even. “Even, what is this?“, he asks.

Even bites his lip and looks sheepishly to the ground. “Uhm, yeah, about that“, he begins, running a hand through his hair. “Please don't be mad. I know you don't like Christmas okay. But then you called me and said you need to prepare your appartment for your mom and you don't have time anymore. And I was the one who talked you into this in the first place so I thought I could help you with that.“

Isak's eyes become bigger with every word. “You fllew the whole way back just because I said may flat's dirty?“

Even laughs and rolls his eyes. “No, of course not. I already planned to surprise you earlier. But I kind of were in a rush, yeah. Had to convince the boys to help me.“

Isak raises his eyebrow. “The boys helped?“

Even nods. “No offense, Issy, but I needed more than two hands for this.“ Isak snorted at that. “I convinced Eskild, Linn, Eva, Jonas, Mikael, Elias, Yousef, Mahdi and Magnus. The rest couldn't make it.“ He watches Isak carefully. “I made sure they don't sneak in your things, I swear“, he rambles, “and we tried to decorate your rooms decent, but you know Eskild and I'm so sorry if you don't like it, I just thought when your mom visits you-“

“Even“, Isak says with a hoarse voice and puts his finger on Even's lips. “Stop talking.“

Even looks at him with wide eyes. Isak can feel his breath on his finger. He looks at him, takes in every detail of his face and wonders how he can be _real._ What has he done to deserve someone like Even in his life?

“I can't believe you“, Isak breathes eventually, eyes shiny and big. “You made my appartment all clean and Christmas presentable? For my mom?“

Even starts blushing and it's the best thing. “I thought“, he mumbles, look stick to the ground. “You deserve to have the best day with your mom and you sounded so sad on the phone... if you don't like it, I can remove all of this, of course, I'm just not sure how glad the neighbours are gonna be when I'm dragging the Christmas tree downstairs past nine and-“

Isak can't bear it, he can't believe this is real, so he wraps his arms around Even and pulls him impossibly closer, effectively shutting him up.

“I don't deserve you“, he whispers in his ear, “ _fuck_ , Even.“

“So... you don't hate it?“ Even's voice is hesitant, as if he would expect Isak to yell at him for cleaning his flat and setting up the Christmas stuff and Isak has to laugh. It's a happy giggle that comes out of his mouth. “I love it, stupid“, he mumbles into Even's neck. “I have no words. You are... unbelievable.“ He sniffs. “You asshole, made me believe you were still in Toronto.“

Even lets out a short laugh and then his fingers come up to caress Isak's curls behind his ear and Isak almost _screams_. “I'm sorry“, he whispers. “I'll will make it up to you.“

“You better.“

When they let go of each other, Isak goes to inspect the other rooms. In the bathroom are several candles and at the window is pinned a big glittering star.

“Eskild“, Even explains and Isak nods with a grin.

Across from the living room with the Christmas tree is Isak's bedroom. He's a bit nervous when he opens it but here is barely a to be seen a difference. Only on his nightstand is placed a candle.

The kitchen is as clean as never and someone has placed a long light string above the cupboards and the kitchen lamp. He turns around. “That was you, right?“ He asks suspiciously and Even nods, grinning like an idiot. Isak wants to make a teasing joke, but he can't bring himself to do it. His own smile prevents him. “Thanks, Even.“

Even's expression goes soft. “Anytime, pumpkin.“

The name triggers something in Isak. It reminds him of how long he knows this person over there, leaning at the kitchen table and doesn't bother to hide how delighted he is. It reminds him of all the things he has experienced with Even, how much they has faced together. It reminds him how alone he has felt when Even wasn't there. It reminds him of how much he loves him.

The realization isn't knew but yet so overwhelming that Isak has to close his eyes. And in this moment he decides, he will say it, he will tell Even how he feels, despite his fear of losing him. He wants to do this. And if they can't be friends anymore... well. That's life. At least he will have certainty. And everything else, they're gonna be figuring out.

When he opens his eyes with a deep breath to prepare himself, he has not expected to see Even this close in front of him. He also hasn't expected to see a new look on his face, almost... hopeful?

“Isak“, Even says. It is barely a whisper but it sounds through Isak's entire body. His heart starts thrumming so hard he is afraid he would get another heartattack. Even is so close, Isak can feel his breath on his face. His eyes tell him so much. Love. Affection. Hope. Fear. Desperation. Longing.

_Can it be. Oh god oh my god oh my god._

Isak has no time to process when Even steps closer and cups his cheek with his hand. Isak lets out a weak noise, he just can't help himself and Even looks at him like he can't believe it, either, like all his dreams woud come true in this moment and Isak is ready, he is so ready for what's about to happen. Maybe because his soul has waited so long for it.

Even keeps coming closer and Isak closes his eyes. He wants to feel Even's lips on his, he wants it so badly he has never wanted something more in his life and now it is happening, finally, Even will kiss him and he likes him too, Jonas was right, Even _likes_ him, fuck – 

And then suddenly Even's phone rings in his pocket while simoultansly the doorbell sounds through the appartment.

The two boys jump away from each other, startling. Isak is confused and angry at whoever dares to ring him in the middle of the night (it is only 21:21 but nervemind). He looks at Even who seems to be almost as lost as Isak when he grabs his phone to see who's called. “Oh my god“, he mumbles, “I'm going to kill him.“ His gaze flickers over to Isak. “Isak, sorry, I need to...“ He stops, giving him an apologetically smile and wipes his thumb to the side. “I hope you have a good excuse for calling me right now, Mik“, he says.

Isak feels dumb to stay so he thinks he can also leave the kitchen to see who has ruined him the moment.

It is Magnus.

“Dude, you're back!“, he cheers and claps him on the back. “Good to see you.“ Then he frowns. “But where are you, we're waiting for you!“

“Waiting?“ Now Isak is so confused he temporarily forgets his wish to strangle Magnus with the light string.

“Yeah.“ Magnus glances at him. “The Christmas party, dude, you have promised to come.“

“Oh.“ That was really a thing he has forgotten. “Did I promise that? Uh, sorry Mags, but I'm pretty tired...“

“Oh, no, no excuses. Even has also promised to show up. Oh by the way, how's your cleaned flat? We were here the whole day.“ He grins. “But anyway, come on, get your shoes and than let's go.“

Isak is about to say sorry, I'm currently busy trying to kiss my friend (Boyfriend? Boy-friend?) and you interrupted me, when suddenly Even appears next to him. “Isak, I uh, sort of got threatened that bad things would happen if I don't get my ass to a Christmas party like, right no. Oh, hi Magnus.“

“I think you and me are forced to go to the same party“, Isak says dryly and glares at Magnus, who stands there grinning from ear to ear. “Yeah well. You have no choice. So come on.“

Isak and Even share a look and Isak is beyond relieved when Even wears the same reluctant expression in his face. But then he shrugs. “In the mood for a party?“, he asks with a small smile. Isak sighs exhausted. “Do we have a choice?“

“We could kill Magnus and hide his corpse behind the tree“, Even suggests in a lowered voice and Isak starts laughing. 

In the end they're going to the party.

Isak stands there, tapping his feet impatiently while sipping from his beer. Even has excused himself a while ago and Isak misses him. His mood has changed very quickly from blissfully happy to sad and annoyed. What if he read this all wrong? What if Even was grateful for the interruption? When he stands there and let the 'what if's' grow bigger and bigger he doesn't realize Even coming up to him until he stands right in front of him. “Hi“, he says.

Isak blinks. “Hi“, he says automatically. Even looks around, then he bites his lip and bends forward to whisper in Isak's ear. “Wanna go home?“

Isak's heart swells. He nods and Even grins at him. “Okay, but... wait ten minutes okay?“

Isak frowns. “What? But...“

Please Is“, Even pleads. “Trust me.“

Isak looks in Even's face, sees all the excitment and joy and honestly, how can he say no? “Okay.“ He rolls his eyes. “But not a second longer.“

“Pinky promise“, Even answers and then he reaches out to tuck a curl behind Isak's ear. Then he's gone so fast Isak can't hold him back to kiss him.

“Got him, hm?“ Jonas grins at him, coming closer from where he was standing at the doorframe. “Told you, Issy.“

“Got nothing“, Isak grumbles, “we got interrupted. By Mikael and Magnus. I wanna die.“

Jonas lets out a laugh. “Oh shit“, he snickers, “but, if you two needed such a long time, a bit more is not that bad, right? Ouch!“

“I hate you.“ Isak grins at his best friend, who gives him a warm smile. “Yeah, I know, Issy. And now go after him, you don't have all night, you know. He already told me about his week, and seriously, you need to work hard to save yourself a seat there. There's his mom and dad and his like, thousands of cousins and aunts and uncles and grandparents...“

Jonas doesn't get to speak any further because Isak wraps him up in a tight hug. “Thank you“, he says sincerely, “seriously. For everything. Oh and for cleaning my room, I guess.“

Jonas pats his back. “You're welcome, Isak“, he answers. “Anytime.“ Then he lets go of him. “And now _go_ , before I need to kick you out.“

Isak's response goes under in the noise of his phone.

**Giraffe** : _Alright, come to my parent's house pumpkin, I need to give you your present_

On Isak's face starts to spread a big smile. He gives Jonas a short look. “Jonas, excuse me, I have to go get my man“, he says, squeezing his shoulder and then makes his way quickly out of the door.

“That's what I wanted to hear for years“, Jonas calls after him.

Isak doesn't need long to Even's old house. He knows the way by heart of course, given the thousands of times he came here. But never his heart has beaten that fast for anticipation in his chest, never has he been more nervous and happy at the same time.

When he arrives at the gate he slows his pace and tries to catch his breath. His breath comes out as tiny little clouds. “I'm here“, he calls and steps inside the garden.

“Come to the backyard“, Even calls from somewhere. Isak rolls his eyes fondly. If Even has planned something extra like usual...

He follows the trail of Even's tracks until he walks around the corner and his breath hitches.

Ther's standing a snowman, a beautiful, dorky looking snowman in the middle of the garden. His buttons on the front are made of stars and around his neck is a scarf Isak recognizes as Even's. He laughs because he always steals it from Even whenever he can. The snowman smiles at him, with a carrot as a nose – but with a snapback on its head and a fucking pumpkin in its hands. Around the whole snowman is wrapped a light string which turns the whole thing into a warm yellow light. Isak laughs some more to conceal his fondness of the scene and steps closer.

He turns around. “You know that there's no cross-over between Christmas and Halloween, right?“, he says and can't hide a sniff.

Even only beams at him. “Go ahead“, he says, almost bouncing on his feet. Isak carefully opens the pumpkin.

Inside is a quadratic looking thing, carefully wrapped up in thousands of plastic bags. Isak holds it in his hands, asking himself what it is.

Even lets out an impatient noise and Isak grins beofor he starts ripping the bags off.

What comes to light is a photo book and it is the most beautiful book Isak has ever seen. It looks like it is self-made and on the front it sticks the old drawing Isak has given Even once when they were young. A giraffe and a pumpkin, sitting in the grass and laughing at each other. Already with a lump in his throat he opens the book.

There are pictures of him and Even in almost every age stages. Under every pictur is a small note, mostly the date and a short sentence what happend or a funny line they had used. Later other people joins them, like Jonas, skating in the park or Even's mom making Isak's birthday cake.

And between the pictures there're Even's drawings. Mostly his silly scetch doodling, they make the frames of the pictures or adorns around them, adding a few things, but sometimes there're whole pages filled with Even's drawing.

There is the scene where little Isak has fallen from a tree and bleeded at the knee. Even has reassured him and made him hot chocolate with marshmellows to cheer him up. Isak spots a little Even, running away from the drawn marshmellow and has to laugh because Even hates these sweet things.

The whole book is full of those pictures and doodlings. But there are also a few real drawings Isak doesn't know when Even created them.

There is a perfect pencil drawing of Isak, apparently studying in the library. He has his glasses on and a concentrated look in his face. The tip of his tongue sticks out at the corner of his mouth.

Then there's another, of Isak's mom this time.

Even has joined Isak one time when he visited her. His relaionship with her is way better now and he tries to visit her as often as he can. She is even stable enough to return into their house and Isak is so proud.

The picure is full of color this time, and she laughs at the beholder.

With shaky hands Isak turns the page and there is Even, lying in bed, next to him is Isak. The picture is perfectly at ease, the two of them just holding each other. The picture is drawn in warm blu, green and orange colours.

Isak swallows hard.

There are a few pages further back written in different kinds of writing and on the first one Even has written a text.

_Dear Isak,_

_I know there's a lot you have to deal with. And the first thing I want to say is, how proud I am for how far you've come. You're so smart and kind and passionate about the things you love. I know you will make it._  
_I know you said once that you hate Christmas but I hope this book will show you that you had also a few pretty good ones. And not only that. The book should show you how good friends you have and that we had a freaking awesome time together. Don't you think? And I hope this time will continue for as long as I can convince you to stick around with me.  
You have the most amazing friends Isak and therefore I asked them to write you their own little Christmas speech on the following pages. I hope it will change your mood about Christmas a bit and remind you of how much you are loved from every single person in this book._

_Isak – I don't know what I would do without you. You mean so much to me I can't even describe it._  
_Thank you. For everything you have done for me. For sticking around when I am in a bad shape. For not judging me for any of my flaws. For staying, the whole time, until now. For listening to my speeches about Baz Lurman or why it is so important to put sour cream to the scramled eggs._  
_You are the best person I know. And I still don't know what I've done to deserve you.  
I will do my best to work up to your grumpy ass._

_Merry Christmas, Isak._

_I love you, pumpkin._

_Even._

 

Isak flips through the pages which are written from his friends. He recognizes Jonas, right after his mom, there's Eskild and his dad and Mahdi and Jonas and Eva and Sana and Linn and Magnus and so many more but he barely can see it because his tears are fogging his gaze.

Isak closes the photo book.

He is speechless. He doesn't know what to say.

When he turns slowly towards Even who is standing there in the garden, watching him with anticipation and fear of what he would think of it, his heart seems to bubble over with fondness, love, admiration and awe.

Isak can't speak. He has no words for the person in front of him. No words can express what he feels right now.

The tears are falling from his eyes incessantly but he somehow manages to smile at Even.

Even lets out a breath. “Do you... do you like it?“, he asks shyly.

Isak lets out a shaky laugh. Then he stumbles forward to wrap his arms around him, pulling him into a crashing hug. He never wants to let go from this idiot ever again, from this human being he isn't even sure if he's real.

He tries to speak but the only thing what comes out is a small noise. Even seems to get it either way. His grip around him tightens only more, like he wants their bodies to melt together. Isak wouldn't mind.

Eventually Isak pulls back the tiniest bit to look a Even. “Did you... did you plan this all along?“, he sniffs. Even smiles at him and only now Isak becomes aware of how shiny his eyes are looking. “I didn't know when would be a good time“, he admits, his hands roaming all over Isak's back. “First I wanted to do it at your balkony but the landlord wouldn't allow me to put so much snow up there.“

Isak laughs through his tears. “He's a bitch“, he mumbles. Even smiles at him. “I wanted it to be special, Isak.“ His hands come up to wipe a tear from Isak's cheek gently. “First I wanted to give it to you at your birthday. But then I didn't want to wait that long and I thought, maybe I can combine this with Christmas.“ His finger strokes along Isak's chin. “I wanted to show you how much you mean to me“, he whispers, voice a bit shaky. “And first I was so afraid of what you would say. I was afraid of losing you. But then I thought what if I die and I never got the chance to tell you that?“

“Dramatic as ever“, Isak mumbles.

“So I thought just do it. Doesn't matter what is the outcome.“ Even looks at the ground, suddenly shy so he doesn't see the probably biggest smile on Isak's face in the history of lovestruck people. 

“And what is the outcome?“, Isak asks, his hands gently forcing Even to look at him. Even bites his lip and tries to suppress his smile. “Don't know“, he mumbles, his gaze on Isak's lips. “Maybe a reward for the hard work?“

“What hard work?“, Isak teases, causing Even to let out a gasp. “Excuse me“, he says, “it's not so easy to build a snowman under a deadline; where's the joy? And do you have any idea of how hard it is to get a pumpkin in this time of the year? And...“

But Isak shuts him up by crashing their mouths together.

It is better than anything Isak has ever experienced. It is home, it is sweet and it is Even. His lips are soft and smooth and when Even licks into his mouth, causing Isak to let out a soft moan Isak is convinced he's in heaven.

The kiss is fiercely and a bit sloppy and maybe not the most romantic kiss because they both are desperate and keep trying to get closer to each other but Isak thinks it is perfect.

When they seperate, Even's pupils are blown and he breathes heavily. “Wow“, he says, licking over his swollen lips as if he chases Isak's taste. “That's what I missed all the time? Damn.“

Isak ducks his head in a sheepish smile. “Reward enough?“, he asks and Even laughs happily at that, pulling Isak to him again. “Never“, he mumbles fondly, causing Isak to shiver, befor he pecks him on the lips, once, twice and then properly.

“Even, this is... the best Christmas present ever“, Isak says a bit out of breath, cupping Even's face with his hands. He wants him to understand how overwhelmed he is, how beautiful the book and the snowman is, how fucking _perfect_ everything is.

When he looks into Even's sparkling eyes he thinks that maybe Even knows what Isak wants to say. “But“, Isak adds and Even frowns lightly, “you are so mean! I need to wait two days until your present arrives, that's not fair!“

Even's face lightens up. “Oh, so sorry, dear“, he chuckles, pulling Isak close to his chest. “My impulsive side wanted to give it to you now.“

“Yeah, I bet you want to give it to me now.“

“Isak you're ruining the mood!“

Isak just laughs in Even's arms. They stand there for several seconds, enjoying the sight of the snowman.

“Wanna go back to yours?“, Even asks quietly and Isak nods. “Just a minute“, he pleads, still looking at the snowman. Even chuckles in Isak's ear. “If you're lucky it will be there in the morning.“ He kisses the top of Isak's head.

“It's art. you teached me to appreciate this.“

“Shouldn't you turn around then to look at me?“

Isak snorted but did as told. He gave Even an playfully annoyed look but it was very hard to do so when he felt this happy and blissfull. He feels hhe would explode any second because of the love inside him.

Even watches him with admiration and awe in his eyes. Isak is still somehow in shock that Even actually sees him like this. That _he_ was the one who dared to confess his feelings, first.

He reaches out and strokes Even's eyebrow. “You're all I want“, he mumbles, getting lost in the blue of Even's eyes. Even comes closer until their foreheads bump together lightly and their noses touches. “All I want for Christmas is you“, he sings.

“Even, I hate that song!“

“I know. Sorry, had to.“

“Dork.“

“You love me.“

Isak's look goes soft. “I do“, he whispers. “Fuck, Even. I'm so in love with you.“

The look on Even's face is glorious. He looks so taken aback Isak fears he would fall in the snow to faint. “Really?“, he asks out of breath.

“Of course, idiot“, Isak laughs and pulls Even closer to kiss him again. When they need to come back for air, Even looks him deep in the eyes. “I love you, Isak“, he says and pecks him on the lips. Then on the nose, then on his forehead, then again on his lips.

Isak is positive he is about to actually purr at the attention so he clears his throat and asks, “shall we?“

Even nods. “Yeah“, he agrees and holds out his hand for Isak. “Ready, pumpkin?“

Isak smiles, then puts the photo book in his one hand and takes Eeven's with his other. “ready, giraffe.“

 

.

 

“Can I ask you something?“

“Mmh.“

“Why are you calling me 'giraffe'?“

They're laying in Isak's bed. it is almost ten in the morning but no one feels the urge to leave their little cocon of happiness and blissfulness.

Oh, and sex. Isak is convinced Even _has_ to be at least a half-god or something. Because _halleluja._

Isak stretches his limbs before he sinks back onto Even's bare chest. “I used to have this stuffed animal, a giraffe“, he mumbles into Even's skin, happy and still a little tired. Even draws patterns with his finger over his back. “It protected me from all harm and I loved it. I refused to sleep without it.“

Even let's out a chuckle. “That's cute“, he tells him and Isak hums at that. He buries himself a bit further into Even's chest while Even starts to play with his curls. “And you?“, Isak asks eventually when he is almost asleep.

Even caresses the shell of his ear. “I love pumpkins“, he admits quietly. Iak raises his head from where it was safely lying on Even's chest to roll his eyes at him. Even holds up a hand. “What? It is true.“

“So, are you telling me you wanna eat me?“, Isak asks. Even wiggles his eyebrows. “I kind of already did last night, right?“

“Even, stop.“ Isak hides his blush in Even's side but Even only laughs fondly. “That's not the only reason though“, he says after a while when he went back to stroking Isak's hair and massaging his scalp.

“What else?“

“Pumpkin's are very resistand and stubborn against cold and pests“, Even adds quietly. “And the shall is hard to break but inside they are all soft and smooth.“

Isak lets out a laugh. “You're such a sap“, he tells Even while silently asking for a kiss which Even is happy to oblige.

They make out lazily for a while, just enjoying the moment of each other. Eventually Isak pulls back, out of breath and hair disheveled. “You know what?“, he asks Even. “You would have convinced me to become your boyfriend even without cleaning my room and building a snowman and making the fucking best present ever“, he mumbles. “I kind of fall for you a bit before that. I already planned to tell you how I feel.“

Even laughs and pulls Isak into his lap. "You did?", he asks excitedly. "Oh Isak, I had loved to see what you would have done for me.“

“Pfff.“ Isak lets out a snort. “You're so extra.“

“Only for you, pumpkin.“

“Shut up and kiss me.“

“You know“, Even says after they got back to cuddle each other, “I was wondering... technically it's Christmas day. And I already gave you your present, so...“

“Even, I told you, it's not arrived yet.“

“Yeah I know, but can I have... a hint?“

“If you ask nicely.“

Even leans in to kiss Isak deep and slow and passionate. “Please“, he whispers on Isak's lips. “A hint?“

Isak hums contently. “Mh. Let's see“, he mumbles, arms running up and down Even's spine. “You know, there's this book... with a boy as the main... mmh... yeah and he has famous eyes. That's it.“ He grins at Even's disappointed look. “That's all I get?“, he says. Isak wiggles his eyesbrows. “Think about it“, he says and leans in for another kiss.

Even responds immediately but Isak can tell he's distacted. And suddenly he pulls away, a thrilled expression in his face. “We're going to the Harry Potter tour in London?“, he asks with so much hope in his voice Isak laughs loudly. “Yeah“, he giggles and Even lets out a happy shout before he starts attacking Isak with kisses. “I'm going to show you all the places in London you have to be“, he breathes between the kisses. “And kiss you on the London Bridge.“

Isak rolls his eyes fondly. “Kiss me now, that's enough“, he suggests and Even does.

“We still have some time beofore my mom is visiting me“, he says quietly after some time.

“Mmh.“ Even sounds like he's almost asleep. “Can we just stay like this?“

Isak smiles into Even's skin. “We can do that“, he whispers, tenderly stroking Even's nose. He then nuzzles closer into Even's chest and lets himself get all pliant and soft. He's warm and he's in Even's arms. And in this moment there's no place he rather wants to be than right here. With Even's heartbeat under his fingertips and the snow falling slowly outside the window.

**Author's Note:**

> A late Merry Christmas y'all and an early Happy New Year!
> 
> <3


End file.
